We all know that sex is a vital part of any healthy relationship. But at some point every couple has wondered, “Are we having enough sex ? What’s the average here?” The answer is a little complicated.
According to Jezebel, couples receiving counseling are often advised to have sex at least twice a week. The piece goes on to explain that the twice a week goal seems more focused on relieving a man’s sexual frustration than for treating a couple in need.
Other publications like Life Hacker claim that happy couples have sex 2-3 a week. But quantifying and measuring a unique experience shared between two unique individuals who may or may not be compatible is unwise in my book. What about couples who identify as asexual? What about poly folks?
The more I delved into this topic the more I realized how different everyone is. We all value(or take for granted) sex and intimacy in a different way and to tell one couple, “You aren’t having enough sex “, isn’t a smart or compassionate way to approach things. There is no good reason to set a universal standard for how often we should be having sex in a universe of people with wildly differing drives, backgrounds and romantic situations.
What is clear to me is that as a society we need to be more pro sex and work towards acknowledging and understanding people who are different than us. Having sex 3 times a day won’t necessarily make you happier and healthier than anyone else. Sharing interests, values and a similar sex drive might just be your best bet.