Why It's So Hard For Nice Guys To Find Love And Sex

Why It's So Hard For Nice Guys To Find Love And Sex

Everyone who exhibits common decency is a nice guy. They’ll hold a door open for someone who’s carrying a coffee in each hand or tell a stranger that they dropped something. This is not the “nice guy” we’re discussing here. Instead we’re talking about a person who has the “nice guy” syndrome.

This is the person who is unsuccessful at finding relationships with the opposite sex because he’s “too nice”. Nice guys aren’t different from anyone else except in one respect: they don’t fully understand or accept the nature of how people form sexual and romantic relationships with the opposite sex. This is further explained below:

Nice Guys Don’t Understand Sexual Attraction From The Female Point Of View

Given that they are heterosexual, they certainly understand sexual attraction from the male point of view and when they come across a female, they either find them physically attractive or they don’t. If they’re like most people, they would prefer intercourse with an attractive female over an unattractive one.

What they should understand is that sexual attraction works both ways. If you aren’t sexually attractive to women then don’t blame women for it. It’s not your “niceness” that’s the problem. Attraction is something that you can correct if you choose to do something about it.

Many attractive women are that way because they make an effort to be attractive. They also understand what it means to be feminine and know that men are attracted to feminine women. They put in the work. So should nice guys.

There are a number of attributes that women like in a man. Confidence, sense of humor, adventurousness, etc. The list is very long. Look them up and focus on those that best suit you. Dress in a way that women find attractive. If your “looks” aren’t considered especially attractive, that’s fine.  Make the most of what you have. If you do so, you’ll be quite surprised at the results.

Nice Guys Think They’re Entitled To A Mate

If you live in the U.S., you’re entitled to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness as well as a few other things, but a mate isn’t one of them. A job isn’t either. In fact, success in life is not an entitlement. You have to work for it.

When getting a job, you understand that there are certain rules and rituals everyone goes through. The same is true for finding a mate. You have to do the work and go by the rules. Women do the same. What makes you special?

It’s this sense of entitlement that causes so called nice guys to write things like this on Facebook:

“What happened to all the nice guys? well, once again, you did. You ignored the nice guy and used him for emotional intimacy without any physical intimacy.”

It’s clear that this guy feels entitled to sex for being someone’s friend. If you need advice or emotional support, a good friend will give that to you but not sex. There are many differences between what friends do and what mates do.

The rules for finding a mate are different from finding a friend. Again, you have to play by the rules when looking for a mate. Becoming someone’s friend with the hope that the relationship becomes sexual is not standard mating practice.

True friends don’t have ulterior motives. People who are truly nice don’t have ulterior motives. Becoming friends with a woman with sex as the ultimate goal means you are neither her friend nor a nice person, which leads to:

Some Nice Guys Aren’t Really Nice

Here’s another quote from the same Facebook page:

“So, if you’re looking for a nice guy, here’s what you do 1. Build a time machine 2. Go back and pull your head out of your ass. Or you can hope that it’s not too late for you. So please: when you complain about there not being any nice guys…just know that you fucked yourself over. You didn’t want a nice guy then, and he may not want you now.Sincerely,a nice guy.”

There’s lots of anger here. It’s not the words of a nice person. People with the nice guy syndrome never learned how to develop sexual relationships with a woman and lack a clear understanding of heterosexual attraction. Perhaps some do but they haven’t put it into practice. Their anger and lack of confidence prevents this.

Working your butt off being nice to a woman in return for sex are not the actions of a sexually desirable male. Rather, it’s bartering for sex. Being with a woman through thick and thin is what a man does for his mate when she is in need but it is not how you attract a woman to be your mate. It makes you seem needy and eager which are definitely not masculine traits. Understand?

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