The mind is one huge erogenous zone. Our imagination allows us to have sex with whomever we want, wherever we want, and however we want. Such is the power of the mind that most of us accept that sex can never be as good as it is in our imagination. Not that this leaves us frustrated and unsatisfied: we’re able to separate fantasy from reality and know that just as we won’t ever possess super-human powers that will enable us to save the world, it’s pretty unlikely we’re never going to get to make love to Russell Crowe or Angelina Jolie on a fast-speed train as it rattles through the hills of northern Europe, or even in a cheap and dirty motel a little closer to home.
We all have sexual fantasies
While it’s accepted that most of us rely on fantasy to help us reach orgasm through masturbation, for some couples sexual fantasy also plays an integral role in their love-making. Anyone who has ever been in a long-term sexual relationship has probably, at some stage, divulged one or two of the fantasies that they like to indulge in to their partner. And for some that’s where it ends: they take turns in telling their partner what turns them on, and what, perhaps, they’re thinking of while the two of them are making love. However, some couples take sexual fantasy a little further in their relationship; they want to explore a little more in depth their partner’s fantasy and make it a part of the love-making process.
Sharing fantasies require trust
Sharing sexual fantasies to this extent can be truly beneficial to a couple’s sexual relationship. It takes a degree of trust to share something as personal and private as one’s sexual fantasy, and it’s something that very few people take lightly. But by sharing your fantasy, you might, of course, be giving away a lot about yourself than just what turns you on. And for some, revealing a sexual fantasy can leave them feeling especially vulnerable. Some people are particularly uncomfortable about analyzing their fantasies, so much so that they find it almost impossible to reveal them.
How to share your sexual fantasies with your partner
When it comes to sharing fantasies, anyone who’s not too sure where to start should perhaps try talking about a particular scene in a movie that they’ve found arousing; keep it in the third person — there’s no need to talk about yourself playing a particular role in this fantasy, just why it turns you on. Once you’re comfortable with talking about your fantasies in this way, you can then take them a step further and start describing your fantasy to your partner involving you as a willing participant. Sharing sexual fantasies shows your partner a level of trust that can not only strengthen your sexual relationship, but take your relationship in general to a deeper level of understanding and commitment.
It obviously depends on the individuals involved as to how far they go with sharing their fantasies. If a couple feel secure enough, they can reveal everything. For some couples, just hearing about their partner’s fantasy is enough to turn them on and satisfy them. Others, however, take it a little further and act out their sexual fantasies (although depending on the imagination of the parties involved, this might take quite a few props and even disguises!).
Walk before you run
While exploring each others sexual fantasies can enhance a couple’s sex life, caution should be heeded by anyone who feels a little insecure in his or her sexual relationship. While it can take a couple’s love-making to a more satisfying level, sharing sexual fantasies can be far from a turn on when you hear about your partner’s fantasy involving her local football team, or his book club members! Only those who feel very secure in their sexual relationship should introduce third parties known to both partners to the realm of their sexual fantasy sharing. For the uninitiated, sexual fantasy is perhaps something to which the adage “learn to walk before you can run” could very well apply.